I HAVE A PLAN...

This is a delayed blog post, originally written on Thursday 15th September, but I forgot my notes at work so I was not able to rewrite it to my computer. Here it is now, a little late but still actuall, enjoy! :)

Remember when I was almost crying that I am not able to get back on track with paleo eating? Remember when I was slacking, eating crap, but still really WANTED to get back to paleo? Remember how I was sure I figured it all out, organized my time and kitchen and started cooking again? Well, not really. And lying to myself is not gonna cover the fact that I still wasn't really THERE, even though I was trying to convince myself that I was. Yes, I was cooking and I was eating paleo breakfast, lunch and dinner, but still some non-paleo items were sneaking into my perfectly organized eating habits. Why? How?

Am I too weak? Too lazy? Too tired or just THAT STUPID? I made a delicious tuna steak with loads of veggies and some sweet potato fries and instead of eating it, I just grabbed a "quick fix" - cookie and a bar (not a piece, A BAR) of chocolate and left the tuna for dinner. WHY?

I figured! Yesterday I was thinking about it a lot, because I am really sad about it and mad at myself for sabotaging my effort. I didn't even have enough energy for my workouts (oh yes, blaming my low score on a slippery floor and high temperature really helped! :-/) so my scores lately are really much lower than they used (and should) be. Bad fuel = bad ride. All my life I though you just have to FEED your body to get energy, and it doesn't really matter what you eat, silly me! :)

So! I was thinking about it and I realized that I am missing one key part of the whole process. So here is the magic ingredience: THE PLAN.

I totaly forgot that in the past, twice a week I sat to my desk, opened all my paleo eating bookmarks (Jos's blog, Melicious, Nom Non Paleo and others) and I acutally PLANNED my meals for the week! THEN I went shopping two or three times a week and I already KNEW what I am going to buy and didn't buy crap. DUH! How could I forget this???

Paleo eating, shopping and planning became so natural to me over the last 2 months or so (before I lost it, of course) that I felt so lost suddenly and confused and I had no idea what I am missing. Like I was thrown out from a plane and landed in a completely different city or country (which basically happened to me, except the plane thing, haha) and I didn't know where to go, how to get home and I just had to stand up and try. You will fail or succeed - no other options here. I succeeded on so many levels so far in my "new life," so no wonder and no shame that I failed in one of them. Well, all I have to do from now on is PLAN forward. That way I will always have a ready-to-eat meal in my kitchen and I will not turn to quick fixes as hamburgers, cookies and stuff like this. I am not lazy to cook, you might notice, I love spending time in my kitchen. All I have to do is plan on time and shop on time, so I always have the right ingrediences at the right time. It is actually very easy. The question is not "Will I be able to do it?" cause I know I will, I've been there once already and it worked for me. The right question is: "HOW did I lost it?" All those changes were probably so major that I couldn't keep my focus on all of them at one time. New job, new apartment, new city with new people, new habits, new everything and only little me on my own without a shoulder to lean on, without a hand to squeeze. Of course I have a lot of support from my friends and family, but still.... it is sometimes pretty lonely over here when I am alone. I never needed help or a company, I was always very independent and I love spending time alone, but the ability to share things with someone, the knowing that someone will come and hold you in their arms from time to time, that is what I am missing. The mental companion who is here for me (not necesarilly HERE, but somewhere out there :) is what I need. But I will be fine, I promise.

I am gonna rock this, I have all the guns I need (lol, Sucker Punch quote, LOVE the movie).

Well, that's it! Since I wrote this, I started to plan again. I had a bit of a messy weekend ;) but I do not regret it at all. Now I am back to clean eating and I feel strong and powerful again. Not just because of the food, but it is the major part of it.