20.09.2011 21:11

I was just in a shower, thinking about stuff.

I realized how much risk I have taken so far in my life in last few weeks, it almost scared me. 

I could have been jobless. Homeless. With no money, no place to stay. I could still be in a very unhappy "relationship parody" with someone I didn't wanna be with. I could have been trapped and unable to change my life.

I always asked myself quietly: "What if there is something MORE for me? What if I can do much better somewhere else? What if...."

I've always been a dreamer. I used to live in my little fantasy world, dreaming about perfect world, where all people are good, nobody is killing people, nobody is hurting kids, nobody is cheating on their partners, nobody is mean to other people. I was dreaming about having a perfect relationship with someone who respects me, someone who I can respect, someone who would be a lover, partner and best friend to me, someone who would understand me without words, someone who will give me my space to breath and who will need his space to breath, but who will still be ready to help me whenever I need. I was dreaming about a perfect job, where I will be happy, doing what I love, have a good co-workers, good superiors, possibility to "grow." I was dreaming about a perfect home, a place where I can relax and LIVE, place where you can feel the presence of joy in every corner. 

I never had any of these things and I was tired of dreaming. Closing myself in a shell, hiding from the real world only gave me confusion and dissapointment.

I said ENOUGH to just saying "what if..."

I risked it all, and it took me so far. Further than I could imagine. 

My life now is perfect (in my opinion). I don't have a lot of money, golden pony or PT Cruiser, I don't carry Gucci handbag and Prada shoes, I don't have a huge office where all I do is file my nails and drink coffee. But my life has a purpose, and I am living it for myself. And I AM RESPONSIBLE for all achievements I am having now.

I could fail miserably, or I could get hurt a lot. But I didn't. I risked it.

I put myself out there and it payed off. I put my knowledge, my determination, my personality and also my heart out there, just to try to fill those "WHAT IF..." words. I am still waiting for how it all turns out, because I am still at the beginning, but I am not scared anymore.

Maybe I will not be happy like this and maybe all this new life is gonna crush me and throw me away back to my old hometown with no job and no money and no love. But at least I will be proud to say: I TRIED. I RISKED IT. Because without taking a risk and giving it a try, you never know what is waiting for you out there. 

Do not sit in the corner of the room with your hands in your lap. Get up and go. Grab the oportunity. Quit the job your are unhappy with. Paint your walls black if you want to. Ask that guy out. Take a dance class. Write books. Sing in public. Do it for you. And never regret. Cause you can at least say: I did something to make a change. And it feels good...



This just somehow formed in my head while I was in shower, thinking and SINGING, haha. Lately I have more people commenting about my blog. I asked my friend Jirka_CZE about it and he said that people probably feel my energy through my writtings. It seemed silly to me at first. When I started writting, it was for me only and I had NO IDEA people will read something like this, silly thoughs of a silly girl. But it works, obviously :) And I am happy if some of you feel touched or inspired by my posts. Thank you for stopping by and reading! :)




keep going

Datum: 21.09.2011 | Vložil: niki

great post nina:) you are so strong. I have read the previous post and wanted to say that if you feel alone there in prague, just meet me and we can grab some coffee together, but obviously, you no longer need it :) good job:)
just wanna feel so strong one day as you are just now.
keep smiling and enjoying your life:) so simply go on :)

Re: keep going

Datum: 21.09.2011 | Vložil: Nina_CZ

No way, I would like to have a coffee with you! :D I am pretty short on time this week, but I am sure I can go next week :D I would like to meet you :)

Re: Re: keep going

Datum: 24.09.2011 | Vložil: niki

:) then let´s meet :) just write me email bachatated@seznam.cz and we will find time :)

A reader

Datum: 21.09.2011 | Vložil: Alessandra

Here you got a reader from Italy too!

Re: A reader

Datum: 21.09.2011 | Vložil: Nina_CZ

Welcome and thank you for reading! You guys are making me so happy :))))

Oh yes!

Datum: 21.09.2011 | Vložil: Ayca

Hey! Great that you are realizing these! These thoughts come in very handy when you feel miserable/terrible/horrible/PMS/failure etc. I'm Turkish by origin and I hated my country, my job my boyfriend, the place I lived (With my mother and her parents!!!11) I hated everything!! I thought there was no escape. I'm a biology major and I really wanted to continue doing science but it's not possible in Turkey and I had a really really tiny chance to go abroad. But I RISKED it! Exactly like you said! And I got it! so I packed my life in a luggage and moved to a country where I know neither the language nor anyone that lives there, all by myself (a girl that had never even been on a plane alone). But I made it, I survived, found my soulmate, finished my masters degree, learned the language, got a house and soon got a phd position. I could still be at Turkey and continue being depressive and whine about how bad my life sucks and so on. So I'm proud of myself! And I'm proud of you too! Because we have the guts to risk it and give life a good shake and take whatever falls :)
Cheers Nina!!

Re: Oh yes!

Datum: 21.09.2011 | Vložil: Nina_CZ

Ayca, what a story!!!
I always say even though we will not succeed, we will still have a lot to talk about. :D Not like my life in the past - every day the same. There are new challenges and adventures every day waiting for us, we just have to accept that and face it :)))
I am proud of you too, you are a strong lady!!!! :)


Datum: 21.09.2011 | Vložil: pecana

The hardest thing in life is to know which bridge to cross and which to burn. David Russell

Re: Truth....

Datum: 21.09.2011 | Vložil: Nina_CZ

Love that! :)
Also today I read a book and there was a quote I fell in love with, it was something like: "If you have nothing to die for, you have nothing to live for."

Re: Re: Truth....

Datum: 22.09.2011 | Vložil: pecana

Exactly!! I was in the same situation...bad realitionship- had nothing to die for....And because of my burned bridges, crossing the right one--I have wonderfull life, amazing man (exactly the same description in Your dream wishes)..in completely new city. Of course it took some time to be ready for this...and we really dont have much money, but we are happy together and that is the most important for me.. :-) Good luck, Nina :-)
P.S. Doporučuju sledovat v neděli Soukromé pasti...mám takové tušení, že se bude probírat podobná tématika..
A ještě sjem si při čtení Tvých úvah vzpomněla na takovou noroticky známou písničku:
"You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it
Don't say that later will be better
Now you're stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it

And if the night runs over
And if the day won't last
And if your way should falter
Along this stony pass

It's just a moment
This time will pass"

1 | 2 >>

Přidat nový příspěvek