RISKING EVERYTHING

I was just in a shower, thinking about stuff.

I realized how much risk I have taken so far in my life in last few weeks, it almost scared me. 

I could have been jobless. Homeless. With no money, no place to stay. I could still be in a very unhappy "relationship parody" with someone I didn't wanna be with. I could have been trapped and unable to change my life.

I always asked myself quietly: "What if there is something MORE for me? What if I can do much better somewhere else? What if...."

I've always been a dreamer. I used to live in my little fantasy world, dreaming about perfect world, where all people are good, nobody is killing people, nobody is hurting kids, nobody is cheating on their partners, nobody is mean to other people. I was dreaming about having a perfect relationship with someone who respects me, someone who I can respect, someone who would be a lover, partner and best friend to me, someone who would understand me without words, someone who will give me my space to breath and who will need his space to breath, but who will still be ready to help me whenever I need. I was dreaming about a perfect job, where I will be happy, doing what I love, have a good co-workers, good superiors, possibility to "grow." I was dreaming about a perfect home, a place where I can relax and LIVE, place where you can feel the presence of joy in every corner. 

I never had any of these things and I was tired of dreaming. Closing myself in a shell, hiding from the real world only gave me confusion and dissapointment.

I said ENOUGH to just saying "what if..."

I risked it all, and it took me so far. Further than I could imagine. 

My life now is perfect (in my opinion). I don't have a lot of money, golden pony or PT Cruiser, I don't carry Gucci handbag and Prada shoes, I don't have a huge office where all I do is file my nails and drink coffee. But my life has a purpose, and I am living it for myself. And I AM RESPONSIBLE for all achievements I am having now.

I could fail miserably, or I could get hurt a lot. But I didn't. I risked it.

I put myself out there and it payed off. I put my knowledge, my determination, my personality and also my heart out there, just to try to fill those "WHAT IF..." words. I am still waiting for how it all turns out, because I am still at the beginning, but I am not scared anymore.

Maybe I will not be happy like this and maybe all this new life is gonna crush me and throw me away back to my old hometown with no job and no money and no love. But at least I will be proud to say: I TRIED. I RISKED IT. Because without taking a risk and giving it a try, you never know what is waiting for you out there. 

Do not sit in the corner of the room with your hands in your lap. Get up and go. Grab the oportunity. Quit the job your are unhappy with. Paint your walls black if you want to. Ask that guy out. Take a dance class. Write books. Sing in public. Do it for you. And never regret. Cause you can at least say: I did something to make a change. And it feels good...

This just somehow formed in my head while I was in shower, thinking and SINGING, haha. Lately I have more people commenting about my blog. I asked my friend Jirka_CZE about it and he said that people probably feel my energy through my writtings. It seemed silly to me at first. When I started writting, it was for me only and I had NO IDEA people will read something like this, silly thoughs of a silly girl. But it works, obviously :) And I am happy if some of you feel touched or inspired by my posts. Thank you for stopping by and reading! :)